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Posted Fri 6 April 2018

I guess the big question I’d love to know is: when should I see a plastic surgeon? Just me? Here are some pointers to help you decide. If the following apply to you, yes, it’s time to see a plastic surgeon!

You think Fifty Shades is such a good name. In fact you’re thinking of painting the hall in Elephant’s Breath grey. As for a red room of pain, well it could double as an extra spare room at Christmas, and the one in the film did have good built in storage. You mention it to your husband but he says replacing the shed is more urgent.

A fit guy sits next to you on the tube, golden brown and firm to touch, like one of your sponge cakes. You can’t help thinking that if you were 10 years younger, you’d strike up a conversation and who knows where it might lead. Actually, make that 20 years, you realise. Well, in fact nearer 30. Now the maths is getting difficult and he’s walking to the door. Plenty more fish in the sea, you think wistfully.

One of your kids points to your face and asks: ‘When are you going to do something about that?’ Surprised, you ask your other half. If he says he couldn’t possibly comment and anyway it’s up to you, you know without a shadow of doubt that it’s time to book an appointment.

Walking through the lingerie department, you reflect that your smalls are now rather large. And things are heading south. In fact they’ve already made it there some time ago. You ignore the itsy bitsy teeny weeny for the sturdy control panelled version. You used to be a mere slip of a thing but now you’re rather more traditionally built.

On a shopping trip with your sister you look longingly at some Manolos, only to wonder if they have a contoured foot bed. How the mighty are fallen.

So who are we kidding? Get thee to a plastic surgeon!

Patience Wellbeing, Plastic Surgery Blogger